The Reformer
scroll to the bottom for the audio version.
I am making this sort of a part II to the last entry. In this entry instead of talking about Zodiac influence I am going to talk through The Enneagram Personality Type(s).
It was April 18th, 2019 when “The Mayfair Group” posted on Instagram about Enneagram types and I went and took the little quiz - I don’t know how accurate the test actually was. You can take this one if you want to see what your Type is - it may not be 100% spot on, I would recommend doing some more research.
Anyway in 2019 at the end of the test, it gave me my top three though and they were 1 - 8 - 2 then they gave a little description of each. Luckily, I have everything screenshotted because you never know when it'll be useful!
Fast forward to June 2022, I picked up the book “The Enneagram and You. Understand Your Personality Type and How It Can Transform Your Relationships” written by Gina Gomez. I took the 90- question written test and totaled up my score and my top three were 1 - 8 - 6.
Type One was the highest so that is what I identified as my Type. After reading through the chapter I truly do think that is the most accurate type for me. The above description is for sure the girly pop, fun, way to talk about the Types but the way the book describes the Types is incredibly detailed. I am not going to get into it in too much depth because this would be a very long entry but here is a brief synopsis:
Type One - The Rational, Idealistic Type:
Principled, Purposeful, Self-Controlled, and Perfectionistic
I want to break this topic up into a few pieces:
Emotional Constraint
After the book lays out the items above it goes into the Enneagram Triads, the blind spots, and then Type One at home, in love, and at work. As I kept reading it talked a lot about lack of emotional expression and how Type Ones tend to suppress their emotions due to not wanting to “lose themselves” in their desires and emotions.
From The Enneagram Institute site, it said: “You may find that you are uneasy with your emotions…—in short, with the messy human things that make us human.”
As much of an emotional person I am - like we talked about in the last entry, I do limit expressing emotions freely. Whether it was due to nature or nurture this is a pattern that is repeating.
I then read this excerpt from The Enneagram Institute site:
Cassandra is a therapist in private practice who recalls the difficulty this caused her in her youth.
“I remember in high school getting feedback that I had no feelings. Inside, I felt my feelings intensely and yet I just couldn’t let them out as intensely as I felt them. Even now, if I have a conflict with a friend and need to address an issue, I rehearse ahead of time how to express clearly what I want, need, and observe, and yet not be harsh or blaming in my anger which is often scathing.”
and after reading that, all I could do was laugh because… if I have time to prepare before I go talk to someone in regard to how I feel about something the notes and voice memo apps on my phone are the spaces where I outline all the things.
Last week I literally voice-memoed exactly how I was going to phrase how I was feeling because I didn’t want to come off as angry even though I was extremely upset it wouldn’t have been effective. I consciously made the decision that I didn’t want to let my emotions get the best of me.
If I don’t have time to prep I usually, in a sober state, kind of just sit there…trying to gather thoughts of how I am feeling and how I want to express it. I think I do this because if not then I come across as overly critical and harsh. If I am not in a sober state typically it results in tears - tears of confusion and frustration LOL.
From the Mayfair descriptions and the book, a commonality is that Type One is someone people can look up to for being calm, rational, and productive. Someone from work once wrote me a note and it said
“Baylee -
You probably don’t realize it but I am pretty sure if there was an emergency, you would be the person that is cool, calm, and collected. I strive for this stable demeanor daily, it is truly an admirable trait to have” (I have the notecard still that she wrote it on).
I think that this calm and collected demeanor comes from the need to show a sense of “perfection” because trust in what’s going on inside my head is not calm and collected. But I probably won’t ever let you see that!
Something I wrote about in the last entry is the reminder that I am human - I am not perfect and I have emotions that sometimes I won’t be able to control and that is okay!
With Purpose
Responsible, cleanliness, tidiness, organized, practical - all of these words are used to describe Type One and Baylee. At work, at home, in my relationships - I am all of those things.
There was one time my friend Maria got me home from Strawberry Moon in Miami after I had a bit too much to drink and my apartment was a MESS - to this day I am still so ashamed my home was in that state. I was in a real bad place mentally so I wasn’t myself but still - no excuse. Now, Derrick can attest, everything is tidy.
I started an Etsy shop dedicated to organized living (a work in progress but still check it out). If someone at work needs a practical application or organization of some sort they are referred to me. Again, I don’t know if it is nature or nurture - me being the eldest daughter, granddaughter, great-granddaughter, and niece probably has an impact here but I am just the one to organize and make sure things have a proper place and use. Even though this is great but it can lead to being too overly critical of myself and others - which is a challenge for Type One.
I had a conversation with Derrick a week or so ago and we were talking about dishes - washing and putting them away. I am the one who cooks and put things away after washing them but I asked him for help one morning because I was running behind. I thanked him and he said, “I hope I did it right”. I was a little taken back because I thought he did a great job - some things weren’t put back where I had them but it didn’t stress me.
I let him know “There is no right or wrong way to do most things here, it is our home. If things move around it isn’t the end of the world. I am just thankful you helped me.”
In the book, it talks about security lines and as Type One moves down the security line they become relaxed, less critical of themselves and others. I can literally feel myself being less critical of myself and him because of the security I feel - which is a surreal observation. I have been in situationships where the guy would pour a glass of red wine for me in a white wine glass and I would be out of there - Derrick could pour my wine in a martini glass and I would be okay with it (maybe I just am in love or maybe I am on a security line and being less critical).
I know I need to check in with myself if I find that I am having a negative talk about myself or the way someone is doing something. Most everything has a purpose and place and that looks different for everyone - I have this conversation with myself a lot.
Ethics
“Key Desires: Ones want to be virtuous, ideal-driven, and accurate, and do things the way they believe they should be done".
I wrote an entry about my past versions and how I was kept up at night by the thought that someone knew me when I wasn’t the best version of myself. Thinking back to writing that and comparing it to this entry is funny to me because I am like “Wow, what a Type One way to think”.
In addition, me wanting people to remember the best version of me I strive to put my best foot forward being honest, ethical, practical, and helpful. During my undergraduate studies, most of my extracurricular classes were ethical philosophy classes. I love reading excerpts from Socrates, Plato, Kant, and Aristotle. Since I was a little girl I have wanted to go to law school just to be able to devote my time to arguing different rights and wrongs based on laws and moral discrepancies. I think it would be so much fun. Baylee M.Ed, J.D. whew.
Anyways, I think that my personality type being what it is would help me be successful in that space. Like I found a site it literally says “Becoming an attorney is a great profession for an Enneagram Type One since they are truth-seekers who want what is morally right. Enneagram Ones are also very wise and extremely organized which are two very important traits a lawyer should possess to succeed in their profession.”
I could continue on forever talking about The Enneagram but let me wrap up this entry by saying that there are overlaps in who you are everywhere if you look close enough. We are the way we are due to so many different factors - it’s never just one contributing piece.
Until next time.
xoxx,
B
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