Making Friends
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Growing up moving states every few years I was always super jealous of the kids who had their friendships since they were in pre-k and even as an adult I see those people and they are STILL friends with those same people they went to pre-k with, am I jealous anymore — eh not really. I had always wanted those literal lifelong friendships but I am incredibly grateful that some of the people I knew when I was younger are not longer someone I call a friend. That sounds a bit bitter but I promise I am not lol but I wanted to give a little background. Into my adulthood, we all know by now I have lived in a few major cities. One of the most common questions I get when I talk about where I have lived as an adult is, “did you know anyone or have family there before you moved?”
The short answer is no.
Before moving to Phoenix the only person I knew was the person I was moving from Colorado with. She moved out of state for her job about three months after we had moved to Phoenix.
I didn’t know anyone in Miami before I moved there.
Then Houston, I had met a couple of people in my short time here in early summer ‘23, I know a couple people through prior cities I lived in, and I also know a couple people from elementary and high school.
Now, when I lived in Phoenix it was nice because I made friends in the office, 2019-2020. That was until March of 2020, then we had to go on the lockdown. The social distancing hindered me making friends in really any social way. Once it was sort of acceptable to go out and about, one way I made friends was through men. Very embarrassing but for example, a guy would invite me out with him or he and his friends. I would go and make friends with people who were out around the group, I didn’t really make friends with people in his group incase things you know…didn’t work out. lol. Addie who is still one of my closest friends, I met this way. One night when a guy had invited me out with his friends, his friend invited her out but they ALSO invited a handful of other girls?? Honestly, it was such a weird situation but I was just going with it, you know 22 years old, not caring. Anyways, her and I were the only two women who were there independently, she just recently moved to Phoenix and we just ended up kicking it with one another. We ended up separating from the rest of the group and have a lovely friendship now!
When I moved to Miami, I used Bumble Friends and I met Alexandra! Another lovely friendship that I still have. We would go out to dinners and bars. Always had a great time together. Outside of that I met Maria and Lindsey through randomness but again lovely friendship came from it!
Since being in Houston I have honestly kept to myself - I am focusing on getting settled in my apartment, been busy with work, trying to date intentionally, and very soon starting my MBA. But making friends does cross my mind, especially girlfriends. Elenoa lives in Austin, which is super close but we both have busy schedules so even that three hour drive doesn’t always happen. Then my other friends live all over — Boston, Las Vegas, Phoenix, Miami, Fort Collins, Charlotte, Denver, Richmond, LA, even some live out of the country — my ‘Find My Friends’ app is wild.
All that to say, I am very happy with having my space away from my friends but I do miss having my gals around me. I miss having someone(s) to make dinner plans with, those random yoga in the park session, little coffee work session, going to a new bar or trying a new happy hour. It’s fun doing all of this by myself, don’t get me wrong but having girlfriends to go with sometimes is very nice.
I am writing this entry because I went out this past weekend. I had a couple too many shots and ended up at a house where there was an even mix of men and women, they were playing games, having conversation, and overall just enjoying each others company. Now, they were all graduate students from Italy. They were speaking Italian, I have absolutely no idea what was being said but in the 45 minutes I was there before I went home I had good conversations with a couple people and overall had a great time.
Moving forward here in Houston, I think I am going to make friends the old fashioned way, commonality within activities. One of my goals within the next 6 months is to join a gym, join a Pilates studio, and take some pottery classes. Additionally my apartment puts on events here and there so I am going try to attend those as best I can. Within all of those things I might make a new friend but I am not pressed to. Because again, I am happy in my solitude, with my friends that I can drive or fly to go see, and activities I have going on.
If you are struggling with loneliness I recommend finding out what you love, doing more of that, and meeting people who share the common interest - I am going to try it out and let you know how it goes. If you have succeeded in making friends as an adult, share what you recommend!
xoxx,
B
If you want to hear this in a sort of podcast format please click play below.