Grandma Vibes
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Since living with my 15-year-old brother I have been told I am a grandma more times than I can count. Granted I am 10 years older than him so of course we have different lifestyles but I will admit since May of 2022 I have really leaned into my ‘grandma’ ways. From the way I dress, what I eat, the activities I do, the car I just bought, and my overall priorities are just grandma. It’s not only my brother that mentions these things it’s other individuals that I talk to fairly regularly that also mention the things I do give off vibes that I am much older than someone who is 26. And these vibes have always been here but they are more apparent recently.
Don’t get me wrong though, I had my time, pretty much from 2018 to 2022 - I was out partying until six in the morning. My wardrobe choices were not the most wholesome. I didn’t drink alcohol a ton during my undergrad and when I did I was responsible but after graduation… not so much. When I left Colorado I was drinking way too much while being out or even in the comfort of my home. I was entertaining men I didn’t need to. None of these choices are necessarily bad choices I still kept a roof over my head, I managed to obtain an M.Ed, got a promotion at work, and made really great friendships - but while I was doing all that inside my heart I knew my choices weren’t aligning with that I envisioned for my future self.
That is when May of ‘22 came and I made a decision to part ways with her. I am not ashamed of my past but there have been moments where my growth as a person has been thrown back in my face to make me feel bad about showing more of the ‘not-so-cute’ sides of grandma vibes like worrying more about safety, not wanting to go do endless shots and be a pretty face in someone’s section, not wanting to fly out to someone just cause, prioritizing sit down conversations about feelings and goals. The reason I say these changes have been thrown in my face is because I have now been told I am boring or I am not like I used to be - to that I say good.
The way I am now is a much more peaceful place to be - for me and for others who actually want a peaceful place to grow and live. I am incredibly proud of my growth out of the ‘feral’ version of myself and I think my ‘grandma vibes’ are what is best for me and for what I want in life.
You may read all that and say “well Baylee that is called growing up…” and yes I agree but it is not that simple. When you spend years living a certain lifestyle it’s difficult to give it up. When you do it’s difficult to not go back but you have to keep reminding yourself why you stopped living that way in the first place. It is especially difficult when people you care about and want in your life question why you have stopped participating in things involved with the prior lifestyle or they decide to leave your life because you’re not the same person you used to be even if that change is for the better.
I want to remind you that you stopped doing whatever you stopped doing to better yourself for a reason and nobody should make you feel bad for that and if they do they aren’t meant for you.
If you happen to like going to bed by 8:30 instead of being out until the morning, waking up and having a slow morning walk with your cup of coffee instead of waking up and needing to immediately take Advil and get into a full tub of water because it’s the only place you don’t feel full body aches, wearing comfy sweaters and linen pants instead of tight dresses and heels, having conversations about how you feel instead of suppressing with meaningless relationships - I am here with you but I also want to let you know there is a happy medium. I am still young, I enjoy going to dinner and drinks with friends while wearing my dresses and heels, I enjoy naps in a full tub because it does make me feel weightless, and I like being out and about until the morning because it makes for a fun story BUT in moderation and not consuming my entire life.
Enjoy things in moderation, find a way to express all parts of yourself in a healthy way, and don’t worry about the people who left your life because they didn’t adapt to your growth.
xoxx,
B
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